AnnieModify

Two modes for learning. Both essential. Exploring is preliminary, faster, wider, and often more fun. Diving comes next. It’s slower, deeper, more difficult, but ultimately more satisfying. 

Exploring

Faster and wider.

Lots of open tabs, skimming, link hopping, following trails. Multiple books on the same topics, scanning the TOC, flipping to relevant chapters, scanning a glossary, looking up summaries. Grabbing definitions, comparing viewpoints. Making little notes and sketches (usually with lots of arrows).

The exploratory style is helpful when I want to quickly build a mental layer of context, grasp the basic vocabulary, and get a sense of the main issues and patterns involved in a topic.

It’s an essential part of learning.

It helps me filter and categorize and decide what’s worth exploring further.

Diving

Slower and deeper.

Reviewing all the little pieces gathered while exploring. Finding connections and thinking about what they mean. Questioning and collating. Reading carefully, annotating, with long pauses to stare out the window. Longer pauses to take a walk.

Thinking about different sides, perspectives, experiences and what they mean in terms of the topic. Looking for insights, commonalities, conflicts from different angles. Following one thread all the way to its end, or as far as I can go.

Expanding and examining. Starting, abandoning, going back to some previous point, following another trail slowly, finding the stuck point, unraveling knots of confusion, trying to get more specific and clear each time.

Doing something with it. Creating something out of it. Letting it change me.Diving is where the magic happens. The learning, the broadening of perspective, the shifting of mindset, the opening. Diving is required to reap the harvest of curiosity.

The trick is shifting from exploring to diving. Not letting myself live in shallow waters, which are fun to splash around in. But diving deep is how we find the treasure.

A non-exhaustive list of how I, a middle class white woman living in the U.S., have benefited and am continuing to benefit from the racism built into our systems and embedded in our culture. 

I get better treatment from my healthcare providers and I don’t even have to think about making sure I dress right or look right. I just show up!¹ 

Pregnancy is less risky for me. Way less risky. ²

I have longer life expectancy. I’m less likely to get several serious chronic health conditions. ³

I’m more likely to get breast cancer, but I’m less likely to die from it if I do get it. That’s wild! ⁴

Going to college was easy-peasy for me. It was expected. My mom and her sisters  all went to college. So did my sister. ⁵

But guess what? Even without a college degree, I’ll still earn more money than Black women in my lifetime. (It’s almost like it’s not even about education or competence but about, I don’t know, being white???!!!) ⁶

None of us women earn as much as the boys do, but the gender pay gap is smaller for me⁷ because I’m a white woman. That means I’ll get more retirement income. ⁸

I inherited some money when my maternal grandfather passed away years ago. And even though I’m not an affluent person (due mostly to my own dumb choices), I  still benefit from having a familial financial support system.⁹ 

I am six times less likely to be murdered. ¹⁰

I’ve gotten a few traffic tickets but not as many as I would have if I weren’t white!¹¹ 

And, even when I have been in a “police-initiated traffic stop,” I am waaaaaay less likely to end up being arrested. ¹²

Speaking of police, I have never been punched in the face or groped and beaten or shot to death in my own bed by an officer of the law. ¹³

That’s just a short selection from a long list. I haven’t even mentioned how I’m more likely to be seen as innocent and believable if I report abuse;¹⁴ how it’s easier in almost any organizational scenario for me to get a job¹⁵ or a leadership position or to at least get some kudos for my accomplishments. ¹⁶  The list goes on and on and on.

Today is Juneteenth. Seems like a good day for all of us white women (and white men, obvs) to think about how we can do better.

Racism isn’t over in America, and we’re still benefiting from it. Let’s recognize that. And let’s use our privilege, our voices, our bodies, our white-woman protected status, to call out bullshit and demand equity for all our sisters and brothers. Things change when we change them. 

1. For example, Black women (21%) are more likely to say they have been treated unfairly by a health care provider because of their racial or ethnic background than are Black men (13%) and are seven times as likely to say this than are White women (3%). In another example, about six in ten (61%) Black women say they are very careful about their appearance or prepare for possible insults when seeking health care, similar to the share of Black men (57%), but roughly twice the share of White men (28%) who say the same.  🔗 Source

2. Black women are three times more likely to die from a pregnancy-related cause than White women. 🔗 Source 

3. Black women continue to experience excess mortality relative to other U.S. women, including—despite overall improvements among Black women—shorter life expectancies1 and higher rates of maternal mortality.2 Moreover, Black women are disproportionately burdened by chronic conditions, such as anemia, cardiovascular disease (CVD), and obesity. Health outcomes do not occur independent of the social conditions in which they exist. The higher burden of these chronic conditions reflects the structural inequities within and outside the health system that Black women experience throughout the life course and contributes to the current crisis of maternal morbidity and mortality. 🔗 Source

4. While white women are more likely to have breast cancer, African American women have higher overall mortality rates from breast cancer. Every year, 1,722 African American women die from breast cancer—an average of five African American women per day. 🔗 Source 

5. The college graduation rate of African American women for the 2004 cohort was 24.1 percent and has not increased at the same rate as the graduation rates of white women, Latinas, or Asian American women.Only 21.4 percent of African American women had a college degree or higher in 2010, compared to 30 percent of white women. 🔗 Source

6. According to Census data about work-life earnings, white women make more than African American women among full-time, year-round workers, regardless of what degrees they have obtained.  🔗 Source

7. Looking across racial and ethnic groups, a wide gulf separates the earnings of Black and Hispanic women from the earnings of White men.3 In 2022, Black women earned 70% as much as White men and Hispanic women earned only 65% as much. The ratio for White women stood at 83%. 🔗 Source  See also this study. 

8. As a result of lower lifetime earnings, women receive less in Social Security and pensions, having saved just 70% retirement income when compared to men. 🔗 Source

9. The typical black family has just 1/10th the wealth of the typical white one. In 1863, black Americans owned one-half of 1 percent of the national wealth. Today it’s just over 1.5 percent for roughly the same percentage of the overall population. 🔗 Source

10. Black women in the U.S. were, on average, six times more likely to be murdered than their white peers for the years 1999 through 2020, according to an analysis of racial disparities in U.S. homicide rates by researchers at Columbia University Irving Medical Center and Columbia Mailman School of Public Health. 🔗 Source

11. More specifically, Black women were about 17 percent more likely to be in a police-initiated traffic stop than white women, and 34 percent more likely to be stopped than Latina women. Among men, Black drivers were about 12 percent more likely than white drivers – and 17 percent more likely than Latino drivers – to be stopped. 🔗 Source

12. Police-initiated traffic and street stops sometimes result in arrest, and the survey data show that Black women were at least as likely as white men to be arrested during a stop. White women, meanwhile, were about half as likely as white men to be arrested during a stop. Black women were arrested in 4.4 percent of police-initiated stops, which was roughly three times as often as white women (1.5 percent), and twice as often as Latinas (2.2 percent). 🔗 Source

13. On July 15, a Chicago police officer punched 18-year-old Miracle Boyd in the face, knocking out her teeth while she tried to document police brutalizing other protesters. / it took a concerted effort to get people talking about Breonna Taylor, the 26-year-old EMT in Louisville shot to death by police in her own home while they served a questionable no-knock warrant. / during the George Floyd protests in Indianapolis, when a white officer blatantly groped the breasts of a young Black woman. When she shook him off, other officers fired projectiles at her from close range and viciously beat her. 🔗 Source See also this article.

14.  When abuse occurs, they are less likely to be believed and supported. A report published by Georgetown Law Center found that “adults view Black girls as less innocent and more adult-like than their white peers.” Black girls are perceived to be more independent, more knowledgeable about sex, and in less need of protection. 🔗 Source

15. For women of color coming into the workforce after graduation, only 17% are getting hired for entry-level positions, compared to 31% of white women. 🔗 Source

16. 80 percent of the WNBA postseason awards won that season were won by Black players. Yet they only received half the media coverage of white athletes // Research has found that Black women in politics are given significantly less media attention compared to white women. 🔗 Source

A collaborative effort, from me and the emails in my junk folder.

“You are being contacted to help improve the services you receive.”

Dear beneficiary

Let’s talk.

You Are Designed For Possibility & Greatness.

(Action Needed)

Take advantage of this

New opportunity.

I think you'll find the subject really interesting: 

Make Waves.

Here's a short description:

• Challenges and learnings

• How to avoid playing it safe, without playing it stupid

• all of life is choices

• alarms and strobes will sound intermittently

• an elusive future New but familiar

• With love as always

R E G I S T E R NOW

It’s just one small step…

You may pick a time that works best for you.

It may be the most important decision you make this year!

Shift your perspective and

Lock in.

Whenever you're ready...

you can begin to adapt to those changes.

Watch.

Listen to these stories. 

You don’t have to do this alone!

Don't worry, there's still time to explore

You are capable of more than you know.

If you don’t want to continue, no problem.

It’s a bit of a squishy time frame.

You can safely ignore and delete if you do not want to take this action.

You can get in touch if you have questions,

or comments,

or find this request deeply offensive, or deeply inoffensive, or anywhere in between.

Thank you for your time!

P.S. Don’t let this offer slip away!

Jesus was anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-classist, anti-ableist, anti-religious, and anti-violence. He was pro-welfare, treated women as equals, and refused to pass judgment on people’s sexual choices. He was very protective of children. He did not have any opinions about abortion. 

I don’t qualify as a Christian anymore, and haven’t for a long time, but I grew up in the church and I took the Bible very, very seriously.  I read the Bible daily. Read the whole thing cover to cover a few times. I studied it, meditated on it, memorized passages. When I was a believer, I was an earnest believer. I cared about what the Bible said and wanted to understand what it meant for me, as a person, and how I should live my day-to-day life.

Jesus said, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching."

As I witness the rise of Christianese in our political culture — specifically, as I witness the use of Christian terminology to defend illegal, inhumane, and immoral behaviors — I feel that we all need a mini-refresher course on the actual teachings of Jesus. 

Things Jesus taught:

✅ Love your neighbor as yourself.  (Who is your neighbor? Those in need of your help. See The Parable of the Good Samaritan.)
✅ Love your enemies.
✅ Forgive others.
✅ Do not judge others.
✅ Do not worry.
✅ Do unto others as you would want done to you.
✅ Be a servant of all.
✅ Be a peacemaker.
✅ Do not resist an evildoer; instead, turn the other cheek, i.e. voluntarily give more than has been taken from you.
✅ Feed the hungry, help the stranger, care for the sick and imprisoned.
✅ Sell your possessions so you can give more to the poor.
✅ Do not store up treasures on earth. 
✅ Humble yourself and be like little children.
✅ Have mercy on those who cannot pay their debts.
✅ Blessed are the meek and the merciful. 
✅ Rejoice when you are insulted, reviled, or falsely accused. 
✅ All people are equal, and God is no “respector of persons. “ (i.e. God does not acknowledge or care about classes, genders, categorizations but about the heart. Jesus specifically named the equality of free & slave, male & female, rich & poor which was very much not cultural norm at the time. Pretty radical.)

Things Jesus did NOT teach:

🚫 Defend your right to own guns.
🚫 Defend your personal property.
🚫 Defend your freedom.
🚫 Defend your rights at all!
🚫 That women are inferior to men; in fact, he taught and demonstrated the opposite.
🚫 That children are inferior to or less valuable than adults; in fact, he taught the opposite and issued severe, eternal threats towards people who mistreat children or put them in harm’s way.
🚫 That it’s okay to treat people inhumanely if they are illegal immigrants.
🚫 That it’s okay to hate and/or threaten people who are different than you.
🚫 To create a religious nation so you can require others to live the way you think they should. In fact, Jesus said: "My kingdom is not of this world."
🚫 To remove aid, resources, and help from the sick, poor, disabled, mentally ill, or imprisoned if it will benefit your personal financial position.
🚫 To concern yourself with other people's sexual choices. In fact, Jesus refused to pass judgment on a woman caught in adultery.
🚫 Anything at all about abortion.

I don't believe in hell, but if I did, I'd be pondering this passage in particular:

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
— Matthew 25:40-45

Here is a surefire way to figure it out. Or close enough, I guess.

One time when Lily was still quite young but past the regular napping stage, she was having a very rough day. Hence, we were all having a rough day. So I told her she needed a nap, and laid down on the bed with her. In a muffled little squeaky sob she said, “I don’t need a nap, Mommy. I just need to cry. I haven’t cried in a while. I’ve been trying to make it all good times, all the time. But I need to cry.”

It can’t be good times, all the time.

So, when you face the no-guarantees choice. The risky move. The should-I-or-shouldn’t-I decision with no clear answer. The pro and con list that keeps balancing out. The options that cannot be optimized. The situation with no resolution. The parade of tiny variables. The panicky feeling that any choice you make is a wrong one.

When you’re there…

You have to go with something deeper. Some deeper knowing. A pull. A tug. A hum.

And a good cry helps you hear it.

A good cry clears the air.

A good cry produces enough snot and tears to mix with all the bullshit filling up your mind and it forms little snot-bullshit balls and they come right out (this is SCIENCE, don’t question it) and then suddenly you can see things you couldn’t see before.

OR, sometimes,

Nothing is clearer but you get really tired from your good cry, so instead of deciding you take a nap and let things handle themselves. You let whatever-it-is have some time to work itself out.

And that is a decision, anyway, and maybe

Maybe

It’s a really good one.

I like them a lot. 

I was really just a child myself when I had them. So young, knowing nothing. I was 25 when my oldest was born. I turned 30 a month after my youngest was born.

Having four kids in five years is a life choice that may not be what we’d consider, um, wise. But here we are, almost twenty years into it, and I look at these kids who grew up with me, who taught me how to grow up, who loved me through my fumbling, who still love me through my fumbling, and I cannot imagine a better version than this one. 

These kids, my kids — who are not really kids anymore — they’ve been through a lot. They’ve dealt with complex stuff, with scary things, with big changes, with huge challenges. They’ve already learned a lot about life. Some of those lessons I would have delayed, if I could have. But they’ve taken them in and become kinder and wiser.

I still have to remind them to do their chores. 

And wipe the counters after they make a snack. 

I feel really lucky. 

That’s all.