In a journal entry from August, 2015, the writer, director, and artist Eleanor Coppola wonders what compels her—then a woman at the end of her seventies—to keep pursuing creative endeavors. “To what end am I driven?” she asks. “Not a new career at this point in my life. Not to make money, though I confess I’d enjoy having a stash I’d made myself. Not to get famous, but yes, it would be good to be a bit more visible in a family of high visibility where I am seen as the nice wife, mother, grandmother at the edge of the frame, or just cropped out.” Indeed, throughout her adult life, Coppola, who died in 2024, at the age of eighty-seven, was known primarily through her husband, the Oscar-winning auteur Francis Ford Coppola, and later, too, her daughter, the director Sofia Coppola. The problem of visibility plagued most American women of Coppola’s generation, who came of age just before the rise of second-wave feminism, and therefore were made, as she writes, to “prioritize given roles above who [they] really are and what [they] want to do.” In Coppola’s case, however, it was further exacerbated by the near-blinding aura of her celebrated kin. Who was she without them? Did she even count as her own person?
These questions are explored, movingly and straightforwardly, in the just-released posthumous collection “Two of Me: Notes on Living and Leaving,” which brings together a selection of Coppola’s journal entries from the final decade of her life. This is not the first book Coppola has written; preceding it were “Notes: On the Making of ‘Apocalypse Now,’ ” which came out in 1979, and “Notes on a Life,” from 2008. Both of these earlier volumes provided accounts of private storms the Coppolas weathered, such as the death of their eldest son, Gian-Carlo, in a boating accident, as well as behind-the-scenes glimpses at major cultural moments the family was involved in—most prominently, Francis Ford Coppola’s nearly doomed struggle to complete his Vietnam War epic. (Eleanor Coppola also co-directed, with George Hickenlooper and Fax Bahr, the fantastic 1991 documentary “Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse,” which included footage she captured in the Philippines during the embattled filming of “Apocalypse Now.”)
“A publisher who considered my first book said, ‘Well, now you’ve written the notes, go home and write the book,’ ” Coppola reports, wryly, in “Two of Me.” But part of what’s distinctive about Coppola’s approach is its self-professed attachment to minorness. While her position in the relative margins has clearly been a source of frustration—at one point, she describes the “fury” that rises in her when she thinks of “how much women of my generation were conditioned to follow orders from the authoritative men experts who decided what was best for the ‘little lady’ ”—it has also allowed her the opportunity to closely explore a more intimate, hidden terrain that might not have been so readily available to her as a subject matter had she been free to play a more major, public role during her lifetime.
This comparatively reduced terrain has often served as complement to her husband’s much grander vistas. “I am the observer, the audience watching the action as if in a theater,” she writes, in “Two of Me,” of visiting Francis on set while he directs his latest and likely final filmic extravaganza, “Megalopolis” (2024). Similarly, in “Notes: On the Making of ‘Apocalypse Now’ ” she describes a complicated location shoot on a beach, involving the simulation of a napalm bombing. “The napalm went off right with the jets, flying through frame, perfectly. . . . Twelve hundred gallons of gasoline went up in about a minute and a half,” she writes. Stationed half a mile away from the site of the explosion, she records, simply, that she “felt a strong flash of heat”—the spare, withholding prose suggesting her position as a mere body in the landscape, sensing rather than analyzing, experiencing rather than reacting. In an earlier journal entry from the same day, she reports, again with little elaboration, on the difference between the very few women and the many men she watches on set. “The flabby American men are getting tan and strong,” she writes. “The women look tired.”

Among these tired women is Coppola herself, and “Two of Me” suggests that this fatigue didn’t just stem from the nightmarishly long “Apocalypse” shoot she described in her first “Notes.” It also came from the elemental tensions within the Coppola marriage itself. Eleanor Coppola was a woman who, as she writes, dreamed of living her life as an “adventure” while working on her own “art projects” and raising children on movie sets, “like a circus family,” but had to simultaneously fulfill the demands of her brilliant, mercurial, sometimes wayward husband, who wanted her to be a “very traditional wife, happily devoted to caring for our children, creating a nice home, and supporting his career.” During most of her life, she was indeed—to riff on the book’s title—“Two of Her.” Who among us wouldn’t be exhausted by such an inherently paradoxical position?
“Two of Me,” however, does depict the opening of an unexpected aperture, through which Coppola was able to finally access a measure of freedom from this duality—one that wasn’t available to her during most of her adult life. In 2010, an X-ray scan revealed a rare type of tumor growing in Coppola’s chest. Though the doctors she consulted with advised her to begin chemotherapy to shrink the growth, she feared that the treatment would reduce her quality of life, and decided to wait, instead—practicing alternative therapies and undergoing scans every six months to monitor the tumor’s gradual progress. (She lived for fourteen more years, experiencing the growing tumor’s considerable ill effects only in the last couple of years of her life.) In the book, she describes her family’s unhappiness at her decision to forego traditional therapy: “Francis told me he and the children must be paramount in any decision I made, and they were eager for me to proceed with a therapy, an action, a solution that would take me out of danger,” she writes. Coppola, however, refused to bend to their urging, even though, as she admits, she had “no ‘reasonable’ argument or evidence” to support her decision, and, as I read along, I imagined with what frustration and perhaps anger I might have reacted had someone close to me rejected conventional medicine to treat a major illness.
But from another, possibly more symbolic perspective, Coppola’s decision made sense, at least according to the terms in which she saw her life. “I was stunned to realize that I was so conditioned by my upbringing to be a good girl and follow doctor’s orders that it had never occurred to me that the choices for my life were mine to make,” she writes. The tumor was “[a] great teacher,” a “swift kick” that finally compelled Coppola to peep “out from behind the shadow of [her] family.” Though the growth was a constraining thing, an obstruction “pressing against [Coppola’s] heart and lungs”—and, as such, not unlike the pressures she was used to navigating during most of her life as a wife and mother—these limitations were what ultimately let her grasp the limits of her own autonomy. “What did I have to lose?” she writes. “I was going to die anyway.” In 2016, Coppola became, as she notes, the oldest woman to direct her first feature film, the romantic comedy “Paris Can Wait.” (In 2020, at age eighty-four, she followed up with the movie “Love Is Love Is Love.”) But these quantifiable achievements weren’t the only markers of her newfound freedom. The book itself is a small-scale cri de coeur, animated by Coppola’s tenacity—by her insistence on tracing the contours of her own world, in writing.
When her tumor is first discovered, one of Coppola’s doctors tells her that it’s “the size of a large lemon”—the botanical metaphor blooming within the harsher, more literal framework of Coppola’s life-and-death battle. This is true, too, of her descriptions of nature, which fill the book. In a journal entry from 2018, she relays that she has resolved to stay behind on the family estate, in Napa, while Francis and the rest of the Coppolas take a trip to New Orleans, a decision that “Francis was very irritated with,” she writes, since “he passionately believes my place is by his side.” And yet Coppola remains steadfast in her choice, and “almost giddy in [her] solitude.” She looks out the window on a “sunny, cold winter day,” watching the “gnarled 200-year-old oak tree” with three bird feeders that she notices are empty. “Two redheaded woodpeckers are seated expectantly on a branch as if waiting for mom to come feed them. Small finches and sparrows flutter about in disappointment,” she writes. “I’m sure they are fine, as nature is abundant all around: thick green grasses, bushes with red berries, mosses, oaks, and bay trees abound. Just as the family is doing fine in New Orleans without me.” ♦













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